Courtney Anderson - the Workplace Relationship Expert - Article

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		If my title says manager, why do I feel like a babysitter? ?

We all know that we choose to be managers for the power, the glory, the riches and thrill of leadership! Yet, sometimes there are moments when our very complex responsibilities and organizational needs grind to a halt due to interpersonal issues and we can feel like very well paid "baby-sitters". I have a current speaking program and am developing an audio program and book with this topic content. This program addresses the reality of modern global workplaces and the true liability and responsibility that managers have for handling "soft skill" interpersonal issues and befuddling behavioral by adults. This program defines where we draw the line and what techniques we can employ to return to management and leave baby-sitting for the childcare professionals!

An intriguing area (and part of the cause of why we sometimes can feel like babysitters instead of professionals) is based on one of the issues that I am focusing on now in my PhD Psychology courses, the concept of countertransference. I am really finding this area to be helpful in understanding the frustration we often feel when confronted with behavior that just seems beyond ridiculous at work. Such as the employee who was caught forging documents that reacts angrily when confronted and denies their actions even in the face of overwhelming proof (video, witnesses, etc.).

Over the years, I have had the pleasure of teaching some wonderful students and providing services to super clients with the assistance of incredible team members. I truly enjoy my work and look forward to it almost everyday. Yet, from time to time there have been some very challenging individuals in my work experience. One of the things that has always upset me was that the one individual who absolutely violated their responsibilities angered me the most with their "outrageous" behavior. Yet, if a person had demonstrated behavior that was blatantly "over the line" (i.e. - a student submitting plagiarism assignments, a team member refusing to follow their prescribed job duties); what should we expect when we confront them other than more "outrageous" behavior and/ or abuse. In other words, if someone has already shown us by their behavior that they DO NOT view the world the same way we do (by acting in a way that we would never behave) why should we expect them to react "normally" when we enforce the consequence for their actions?

Part of this behavior and frustration (even outrage) on our part is based on countertransference. That is the psychological process whereby we transfer our emotions onto our team member or client. Thus, if we would be embarrassed, ashamed, remorseful and apologetic at making a mistake at work; we wrongly project these emotions onto our team members and then are angry and/or frustrated when the other person does not behave that way. We are expecting that the other person would feel the way we would feel in that situation without being able to recognize that they are totally different people who do not share our feelings. This process then is the beginning of a horrible waste of time of coaching, counseling, and monitoring with our incorrect assumption that the person feels like we would, when they don't. Thus, we may have a tardy employee and we approach the situation based on the projection of our feelings that the person must be embarrassed and truly want to correct their behavior. We might be blinding ourselves to the reality of their apathetic behavior and the fact that they do not care about timeliness.

An oversimplified solution is that we must take steps to ensure that we are not interpreting other people's behavior based on our own emotions and that we are objectively evaluating their actions to ascertain their motivations. I will be writing and speaking more about this topic in the future. This topic is so fundamental to utilize in moving beyond disbelief and resentment and moving towards acceptance of the choices of other people. We have to craft our reaction so as to minimize time, resources and emotions expended in vain. So, instead of screaming, "I can't believe they did that!" We will calmly state, "Their choices are not mine and neither are their consequences." Don't you feel better already?

If my title says manager, why do I feel like a babysitter? ?

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